I actually started on the spare bedroom the day before the 2 Year/2 Month mark. It’s been a week long process… which still isn’t finished… but, it’s definitely a lot further along than it was a week ago!… and going through stuff is just gonna take me a bit. Although I have hit that point where I kinda just wanna start going through stuff and setting up “my” house… I also understand that it’s gonna take a while… but I can start! There’s a lot… A LOT… that comes along with the loss of a spouse. Sometimes, I feel like there’s even more that came along with the loss of Kateri. I mean… it’s Kateri!… she was pretty awesome. Of course, I think anyone who has loved someone else might feel the same way… but I’m talking about me right now.
So, this is what showed up this week in my life after I jumped on the opportunity of having another set of hands to help me move a dresser out of the spare bedroom… some pics and notes. (FYI… life is good… just a big balancing act!)
- I’ve been wanting to move that thing for months! I couldn’t get it downstairs by myself and I didn’t want to start on the room until it was out of there. It was sooooo annoying! I even thought about chopping it up in the bedroom and taking it down in pieces! That’s one of those weird widowhood things… it’s much easier to move big things with another person.
- That dresser spent less than 24 hours sitting in front of my house! (awe… Vermont) I went to work, came home… gone! It was perfect. They even took the plastic I had tucked it in with the night before! (I wanted it to stay warm and dry if it rained!)
- I sat on my bedroom floor and Facetimed with my sis-in-law as I opened wooded boxes containing some of Kateri’s jewelry, pins, and little knick knacks. It was pretty cool. Plus, I could always hold the little mask thing (from our wedding) up to my face if I wanted to change things up!
- I gave Kateri the “Dance as if…” tile thing back in ’08 or ’09 when we lived in Ned. Kateri gave me the “answer my smile” wood thing…. at some point. Unfortunately… I didn’t remember that. For some reason, over the last two years I have thought it was a gift I had given her!… and then I turned it over.
- The picture with the bed..? That was some fun stuff to go through. Stuff such as, the picture Kateri loved of her standing next to her little sister… who is picking her nose. Or the Mad Hatter hats we made for Tracy’s Mad Hatter Retirement Party. And of course… the plastic bracelets that the hospital gave Kateri each time she was admitted… among other things.
-
- That is Kateri’s knife… she kept it in her truck.
- Kateri gave me the little blue guy… he dances. I would carry him around with me at work and if someone was having a bad day I would simply wind him up, set him down in front of the person, let him start wiggling… and walk away. It was generally their’s until they didn’t need him anymore. And then… we found one with a skirt!
- In the time we were living above a garage (’02), I made a bunch of origami flowers and situated them all over the floor of our little studio apartment… where we had only a microwave, hot plate, and toaster oven to cook with… and slept on an air mattress. There’s an orange one in the box, as well. I’m glad I still have them.
- It’s basically a wooden box… filled with tattered cigar boxes… filled with letters……. and memories.
- I love how a new coat of paint simply cleans up a space. Plus, you get that light headed fuzzy feeling if you keep the fresh air out!
- I decided to change up the quilt on the bed. We have never used this quilt. It was a birthday present from a friend when Kateri turned 44… a month before she died. Really… I just thought it had a nice weight, nice pattern, and it fit the bed!
- I like how the room has turned out so far. It’s a little dark for the lighting I have (there are only lights in the closets in the bedrooms…?), but just another reason to find some new lamps!… for my new room!… in my new life……..!
- That is Kateri’s Pooh Bear. Back in the day, we would lay in bed and read the stories to each other. Then it somehow turned to just me reading to her. She loved Pooh… and Piglet… and their friendship. When we cremated Kateri, I took a page from the first book, Winnie-the-Pooh… and placed it in her pocket.
This is my final pic… and then a video… as if there wasn’t enough already! I really haven’t done anything with my little shrine to Kateri and as I was going through boxes I figured I could add a few things from the top of the jelly cupboard… so I did. I wasn’t sure about how to dispose of the sage bundles used for smudging, so I asked sis-in-law. Well, I found out that neither one of us really knows what to do with used sage bundles, but we figured as long as the intentions were good… it’s all cool and groovy. So… that’s what the video is about. Just a heads up, I mention it’s January 28th… it’s not… it’s June. There would be a heck of a lot more snow on the ground if it were January!… but there might still be a fire.
ps… you can hit the “like” button if appropriate… and you still have time to follow the blog for the chance to randomly see it pop up in your email inbox! (it’s kinda sporadic… and not very focused… or professional.)
Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning 
15 thoughts on “I Started on the Spare Bedroom… 2 years, 2 months, and 7 days a Widower.”
Maggie
Always good to see you, Darren. Wow, you accomplished a lot. You had a lot to process and I know how tough that must be. You are edging forward one step at a time, loving and remembering the best of what will always be with you. You do it with grace. My heart still breaks for you. What an amazing love you shared.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Darren Lidstrom
Thanks Maggie! Always good to see you, too. Thank you for being a part of this trip!
LikeLiked by 1 person
lssattitudeofgratitude
So great to see you moving forward step by step. I know the love you shared will always be part of who you are. Your love resides inside your heart which has room for more love when the timing is right. Such sweet memories. You are blessed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Darren Lidstrom
The house has just been a slow process, but it’s nice to start taking bigger steps with it!
LikeLiked by 2 people
jennasnanny04
Darren, You are moving in the direction you need to go. The memories and love will always be with you.
The bedroom looks fabulous. And I do have a question. Maybe I missed something, but if you burned the pieces of the chicken coop….where are the chickens???!!! You mentioned bears a few times…OH NO!!!!
Thank you for always sharing your deep thoughts and feelings. It hopefully, helps you. Virtual hugs my friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Darren Lidstrom
A bear ripped part of the front door off of the coop so I made a new door… and burnt the old one! I dig the new one… but it still won’t keep a bear out! Thanks for the hugs… and hugs back to ya!
LikeLike
jennasnanny04
Darren, the bear didn’t eat the chickens, did it? Damn! Where I live ( AZ) its coyotes, javelina and rattlesnakes! Nancy
LikeLiked by 1 person
Darren Lidstrom
Well, I only lost one chicken… still have Lil’ Bitch and two others. I think the chicken food was an easier meal!
LikeLike
Elizabeth
Very poignant sharing of the little objects that you found as you sorted through the spare room. I loved the way you ended with the video of peacefully burning the sage and taking in its scent. The joking about the bears made it real–the combination of grief and joy intermingling.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Darren Lidstrom
Grief and joy intermingling… perfect!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Elizabeth
You really conveyed that combination and I felt it as I listened to and read you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Rlee
Thanks for sharing your story! I have just discovered your blog.
Your honesty and openness is much appreciated. It makes me feel that I am not the only one in this world that is missing a piece of themselves.
I’m sorry for your loss. It is apparent that you truly love her.
I was lucky like that too.
Although I feel broken; I am so thankful to have found that kind of love in my lifetime💕
My husband recently passed from a heart attack at 58 years young.
His birthday was January 28 .. I noticed in your video, that was a significant day to you as well.
Well .. I will keep you in my thoughts that day and send you some good vibes.
Again.. thanks for sharing It may sound weird, but to see I’m not alone .. helps
LikeLiked by 1 person
Darren Lidstrom
Thank you for stopping by! I’m so sorry for your loss, as well. And ya… that whole feeling of being alone… instantly independent… is weird. I’m glad it helps to know that you’re not alone… because you’re not!… and you just helped me by letting me know that I’m not, either!
LikeLike
Rhonda lee
I’m thankful that you are so genuine. I am only beginning this long journey of being alone after 20 years together.
I appreciate being able to walk with you through your experiences of this difficult time. It gives me insight!
Although blogging etc probably helped you a lot.. reading what you experienced also helps me.
I feel like I’m not the only one that is suffering and lost.
Although we will all process this differently, I can relate to you for some reason.
Thank you for being real and honest. Some people never find a love that is true.
Reading your blog has made me laugh and at times cry. Walking through this new life one foot in front of the other is all we can really do.
It’s funny some of the similarities we share ; such as the numbers thing 1234 and I also was in a mva and broke both my legs. I don’t drink booze, and like coffee and weed.
How you held her right hand was touching to me. I think that is one of the things I will miss the most. My husband always held my hand.
Most of all though, how in love we were with these people that are now gone. Life just seems so empty.
I am so thankful to have experienced a love that was real and true. But on the flip side it hurts so damn much to lose that.
Like you, I will keep on keeping on. One day at a time. They say we will have to get through it, not over it.
I just turned 48, days ago, I can’t imagine my life being over.
I can’t say that I look forward to my new journey though, but I will do the best that I can.
Like you, I will be honest and allow myself to feel however I need to.
I’m on Day 44.. I can’t even imagine day 500.
Thanks again
Take care.
Rlee
LikeLiked by 1 person
Darren Lidstrom
One of the pleasant surprises of sharing my experience has been hearing from other widows and widowers (or people going through loss… or adversity… or anyone else, really!) at unsuspecting times. Although my heart sinks for you having to go through this experience, your comments on similarities and kind words simply put a smile on my face! At 48… 44… 75… our lives don’t end when our loved ones pass away. It’s just a matter of if we want to press forward when we don’t want to and see if something good happens… or let love turn from something beautiful that we found strength in during a previous life, into something crippling and debilitating in this new life. It’s a hard balance… but luckily we have help… from people… who are also simply living life!
As for Day 500… Well, all I can definitively say is… for me… life was in an “H”, “E”, “double hockey sticks” better place than it was at Day 44! (but I still get that crushed/lost/WTF feeling from time to time…!)
Take care… and I hope you find some “good” today!
LikeLike