Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning

A widower at forty-two. What Kateri gave me… what cancer took away… and how I'm coping with life from the woods of Vermont
Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning
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  • Widower Day… 15 Months… and a day.

    Posted at 6:59 pm by Darren Lidstrom, on July 23, 2019

    It was a Monday morning and we were laying in bed doing what we did on Monday mornings… Kateri was looking at bathrooms to come up with ideas for ours and I was probably looking at Craigslist for jobs, canoes, motorcycles, boats, or the random things that people sell. We were sorta coming up with a game plan for the day. It was our one day off together and we always spent them with each other doing mostly nothing… it was perfect.

    Kateri wanted to build a cold frame for herbs… or lettuce… or something else we could eat… so we started to make a list of things we would need to go and get at the store to put together something that would hold dirt.  Now, did I mention it was our one day off together…? because we also usually just laid in bed for a bit, drank coffee (each of us taking turns running for refills), and pretty much got into a laid back frame of mind… which also made us not want to leave the Schoolhouse. So… I started listing off things in the garage or over at the potting shed which could be used to make a box… with a lid… with the hope of not having to go out amongst “the people”!

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    We were actually quite proud of ourselves for using what we had! I had leftover lumber probably from the chicken coop. In one of the little plastic bins/cups that Kateri had gotten for me when we bought our house… with the hope of providing me with an organizational tool for the garage I was so excited to finally have… we had found a couple of hinges. For the top…?… it only seemed appropriate to use one of the many old windows we had laying around.  (We had windows because in 2011 we had gone around picking them up from various strangers so that we could build our “church” for our wedding. No… neither one of us is religious. Kateri always said she was a “recovering catholic”). And Kateri had some garden mesh/fabric stuff… because she gardened… to line the box with. We had all the fixin’s to build our cold frame! And there was no need to leave the hill!

    It was a good day.  Nothing special. Nothing really out of the ordinary. Just a Monday. We were so proud of ourselves for just making do. Kateri was so happy to have a cold frame where she could grow things next to the front deck… and beside her gardens. She was putting down roots… at our first home. It made her happy. It made me happy to see her and to help make her happy.  Life was good… and we were happy together just doing what we did… on a Monday.

    Widower Notes n Thoughts:

    • I was gonna write something yesterday for 15 months, but there were other things I wanted to do. Of course, I kinda wish I wrote about a Monday… on a Monday. (I know… kinda weird)
    • The Beastie Boys will always remind me of Kateri.
    • I finally hung the lady in the bathroom.  Kateri loved the lady in the tub.The Lady Taking a Bath
    • 15 months and I’ll admit… I’ve been a little rough lately.  Most the time everything is basically fine.  Most nights of the week… I have cried.  Sometimes… a lot. It’s hard trying to get excited about life… this new life… when the crushing reality hits that I simply miss what my life was before April 22, 2018. I miss Kateri sooo much… it just sucks.
      • I hope you have as many good people in your lives as I do… whether that’s friends, family, or co-workers… I’ve got some good ones.
    • Yup, the cold frame kinda took a beating this winter.  Glass and eight feet of snow don’t always mix… but shit still grows!

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    • ← Widower Day 449… I started this blog a year ago… and made a video today… there’s a tractor… briefly.
    • Widower Day 485… the roller coaster and missed opportunities. →
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    Author: Darren Lidstrom

    Posted in cancer, grief, inspirational, loss, Uncategorized, Widow, widower | 5 Comments | Tagged Beastie Boys, cancer, grief, loss, marriage, melanoma, mourning, thirtydaysofmorning, widower, widower thoughts, widows |

    5 thoughts on “Widower Day… 15 Months… and a day.”

    • Lauren's avatar

      lssattitudeofgratitude

      July 24, 2019 at 12:29 am

      Music often ties us to our loved ones. Having the memories of calm wonderful days sustains us for a very long time. You both laid down roots in your sweet home. Things are still growing from those roots. You are so fortunate to have people in your tribe who care for you. You are doing so well.

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    • Maggie's avatar

      Maggie

      July 24, 2019 at 10:01 am

      What wonderful memories, Darren. I always try to remember that everything comes to us I. It’s own time. Cry if you need to cry and laugh if you need to laugh. This grieving thing has no road map. I like the lady in the tub, too. Kateri had wonderful taste. I love that you scrounged and found things to build a cold frame. It turned out great.

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    • Maggie's avatar

      Maggie

      August 12, 2019 at 11:01 am

      Popping back in because I have not seen you here in a while. I hope you are doing okay and just enjoying life a little.

      LikeLiked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Darren Lidstrom

        August 18, 2019 at 3:25 pm

        Maggie! You… are wonderful. Thanks for popping over. I’m doing ok… just had to focus on some other things for a bit.

        LikeLiked by 1 person

        Reply
        • Maggie

          August 18, 2019 at 3:45 pm

          Good to see you back. I was hoping you were okay and just adjusting to a new way of life.

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