It was a good day… I mean today was. Looks like Day 24 wasn’t all that horrible, but I’m talking about my day in Boise. Aaaand… I ate a banana for breakfast… I hate bananas.
Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning
Day 24… alarm set for 6:00am… got up at 6:45.
I’ve been trying to get on a routine, a schedule as I go back to work. It’s been hard forcing myself to actually get to bed with this new independence.
(I am writing this the next day because I keep falling asleep on the couch and Anna just sent me a message… she has reached out to me more in the last 2 weeks than ever before.)
Went to work.
a. Nothing super exciting at work. I didn’t think I would be able to hang for very long with how I was feeling during the morning. Sadness had just hit me, and I couldn’t get out of it. Before I went to lunch, I found Eric and Teri on the back porch and said I don’t know how long I will stick around for. Eric just mentioned that I have tomorrow off (Thursday) and that helped me push through the day.
b. I used that weird energy to simply make a soup. I made Chicken n Bacon Corn Chowder to use up some product. It felt good to use up some stuff and to make something just a little different. I do feel it came out a little blander than I expected, but I am also using this experience to kickstart my cooking again and to get back into it, into something. It will only help me in the future… with work and also at home to provide me with a good meal, to learn something new, and to consume time.
c. There are some members of the crew going through personal stuff as well. I am trying to provide them some guidance and to be supportive, but it’s funny going through something like this and then being in the position to hear other people’s issues… I’m like, “really?… how about you don’t take those actions anymore?”… or “Is that really affecting you this much for this long?”. But I have to remember that you can’t put a measurement on someone else’s pain… we don’t know HOW MUCH pain something causes another person. Only they know how they feel.
d. Left work around 3:30.
e. Eric told me the DailyUV is hiring bloggers… or blog writers… or something.
Ran to the Home Depot to pick up paint, a paint liner, rollers, and a brush for the bathroom. I figure, I am so close might as well bust it out. The fact that most of the dirty shit is done makes me feel good and excited to get it closer to usable.
a. Picked out a darker blue. I think the primer was a good gauge but is a little to “baby blue”. I went with a darker shade. Something like “perfect sky” or something.
Met Luke and Gardner at the house. Luke had bought a new dump truck for the Hindquarter and Gardner built the walls for the dump. Our house is kinda in the middle, so I lucked out and get to see both of them!
a. Planned on 5:00, Gardner got here at 5:30ish. Parked on the side of the road. We realized that probably wasn’t the best place for a big ass truck with people flying down the dirt road.
b. Gardner milled the wood himself and built the walls over 2 ½ days… it’s beautiful. It will be cool to see once the wood burn The Hindquarter logo into the side.
c. Luke got here soon after and we all just kinda shot the shit and played around on a brand new black dump truck… you know, lifting the tail gait up… and then lowering it.
a. I felt kinda like the cool kid as people drove past my house and three dudes are just sitting around shooting the shit with a dump truck in the driveway.
b. It did also make me think about getting older. We were at my “HOUSE!” looking at a BRAND NEW DUMP TRUCK that Luke bought for HIS business. We were talking about QuickBooks and shit. It just felt like we were grown ups.
d. We took a little walk to show Gardner the back yard. Went to the fire pit and just kinda hung out.
a. Gardner told Luke and I what the different trees were on property. He is amazing that way… wealth of knowledge.
e. Raphael and Tara came over on his motorcycle and 4 wheeler and met us at the fire pit… (we were not having a fire)
a. They are a kick. It was fun listening to them meet Gardner and listen to him share his experiences with them. They were talking about being in Hawaii and Gardner mentioned how he lived there for a bit and they probably walked on trails that he built.
b. It was pleasant. It was nice to hear people just shoot the shit. Yes, there was a little of what I/we are dealing with, but mainly just people chewing the fat.
c. When Raph had to leave, he and Gardner dorked out over the motorcycle for a bit… and then Gardner took if for a quick spin.
f. Luke took off before the sun went all the way down… and left his pencil!
g. I left a bag up at the firepit so Gardner and I went to get it and just took a mosey on the path above the house.
a. It was nice to talk to him, to talk to someone and he was perfect. I just dig him and find him very impressive because of his experiences and approach to life.
b. Have to mention that he is another one who has quit drinking and has found such strength in that decision, is experiencing that clarity that drying up provides.
c. I look forward to spending more time with him, either working with Luke, him visiting, or me swinging by his place when out for a drive.
Was gonna put a second coat of primer on, but it was 8:30 by the time everyone left and I just wanted to chill. Didn’t even cook. Threw in a frozen Chicken Pot Pie and called it good.
a. I was gonna watch a movie, Life, and started it, but fell asleep.
b. It’s a horror/sci-fi/thriller… not sure if day 24 as a widower is the right time to start watching scary movies, but I fell asleep, so it wasn’t a big deal.
a. I’ve always liked scary movies, but for the last 18 years I’ve had Kateri and knew that if I ever really got scared that she would be there. I don’t have that anymore, so I wonder if I am gonna like scary movies as much.
c. Ate a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and fell asleep. Woke up at 4:38am… had a smoke… washed up… and crawled into bed.
I told Gardner this is how I feel… “No one is gonna make a story about this experience if I don’t tell it”.
I’m still wearing my bracelet almost every day.
Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning 