Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning

A widower at forty-two. What Kateri gave me… what cancer took away… and how I'm coping with life from the woods of Vermont
Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning
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  • A Letter to Kateri
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  • Tag: KleanKanteen

    • The Sourdough Stump…

      Posted at 10:57 am by Darren Lidstrom, on October 30, 2025

      What’s “The Sourdough Stump?”, you might ask…? Well, at this moment in time… I can’t really give you a clear answer. The easiest and simplest way for me to explain it is this: Free sourdough bread for neighbors, friends, and strangers… or, as our little card says… Spreading kindness with free sourdough bread for whoever stops by… but for me, there’s a lot more that goes into it.

      For the last tiny bit, Amanda, her mom, and her sister have been baking sourdough bread “together”… while spread across the country… and it got to the point where we realized we don’t eat that much bread in this household, but she didn’t want it to go to waste! So, on July 6th, 2025, Amanda grabbed some logs from the woodpile, made a sign sayin’, “Free Sourdough”, and The Sourdough Stump was born!… or created… or.. developed..?… definitely not birthed!… anyways, it was the start of what has so far been a wonderful adventure full of creativity, kindness, conversations, honest communication, and exercises in being more comfortable showing our vulnerabilities for Amanda and I…!

      I’ve gotta say, it was super entertaining getting a text from her while I was at work which contained a picture of a couple of loaves of bread (in brown paper bags) sitting on top of a few stumps on the side of the dirt road in front of the Schoolhouse…! Unfortunately, no one stopped for those first two loaves sitting atop some stumps, but that just provided us with an initial goal of: Can we get at least 1… just ONE!… person to stop for a free loaf of sourdough bread!… that’s sitting next to the road… on a stump of wood…? Come to find out, the answer to that question is, “Yes, yes you can.”.

      One of the things we keep going back to, the thing we really like about The Sourdough Stump and one of the objectives central to our idea is that it’s a free loaf of sourdough bread… no obligations… no expectations… no strings attached. It’s been fascinating to hear how many people say, “You should put a donation or tip jar out!” or “You should start selling it!”, but we like that it’s free, people… FREE! Of course, we’re also trying to figure out how to make a little money to offset some of the increased costs (flour, supplies, electricity… we have an old ass oven that makes the lights flicker when it kicks on!, etc.)… and we have the pipe dream of kinda making a living with it somehow in the future!… maybe..?.. but we haven’t figured that out yet considering our “Business Model” is currently one of just giving shit away as we drink coffee on the porch on Sunday mornings…! For right now though, we’ve simply loved meeting some neighbors, seeing some friends, and crossing paths with travelers visiting from strange and distant lands…!.. like Canada… and New Hampshire.

      Since the moment I was sent that initial pic of some bread on a stump, Amanda and I have absolutely loved this whole little experience and personal event we’ve created in front of The Schoolhouse… currently on Sundays from 9:30am till the loaves run out…! We have no idea what we’re doing or how we want to do it… or why..?.. but that’s been the exciting part… the figurin’ it out… and seeing where it goes. Although we aren’t exactly sure of what we want The Sourdough Stump to be, there are interactions and observations each week that provide us with some guidance in forming our “Mission” and/or “Philosophy” with this little project/hobby of ours and if we wanna keep taking steps forward with it… whatever those may be.

      So, if you’re out for a Sunday drive in Vermont and come across a stump of wood on the side of the road in front of a cute ass little red schoolhouse with some bread on top (of the stump, not The Schoolhouse)… stop and take one!… and a sticker! Who knows… you may also get to meet some neighbors and have a nice conversation!… unless it’s raining or really cold out… then we’ll just be creepin’ on you through The Schoolhouse windows…!

      Widower Notes n Thoughts:

      • In my Widowhood, I have found that it is a challenge to get excited about things… a lot of things… most things, really. The Sourdough Stump is not one of those things. Food can be nourishing in all sorts of ways.
      • Like I said, we’re not exactly sure what we’re doing here, but we created an Instagram account you can follow to see when the stump is out and where this little project goes…! Follow along!… @thesourdoughstump
      • I have dreams of Sourdough Stumps dotting dirt roads all over Vermont… providing bread and conversations for neighbors all across The Green Mountains.
      • FYI… I’ve been a professional cook for thirty-one years and Amanda was a professional baker after graduating from The Culinary Institute of America: Baking and Pastry… so I guess we DO know what we’re doing when it comes to the production, baking, and food safety side of things for The Sourdough Stump. I mean, c’mon… we all have those neighbors/friends/co-workers whom we can tell what kind of pets they have at home by the cupcakes they brought to the potluck…!
      • Amanda is a pretty big T. Swift fan. In honor of that I’m REALLY hoping The Sourdough Stump takes off and we get a huge number of followers/fans so that I can refer to them as “Stumpies”…!

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      Posted in inspirational, sourdoughbread, The Sourdough Stump, Uncategorized, widowhood | 2 Comments | Tagged bread, KleanKanteen, sourdoughbread, taylorswift, thesourdoughstump, vermont, vermontbread, widower, widowhood
    • For St. Patty’s Day… Kateri’s B-Day… I moved her into her new home!… 2021.

      Posted at 4:24 pm by Darren Lidstrom, on March 18, 2021

      St. Patrick’s Day, the holiday, really doesn’t mean anything to me. I mean, I’m not Irish… I don’t drink… and I don’t care if I know the “true” story behind the dude! For me… it’s all about Kateri… because it’s her birthday! AND… since she was Irish/Italian, she loved that she was born on St. Patty’s Day! So for her birthday this year, I decided to move her from the box the crematorium housed her in, to her new home… the Klean Kanteen bottle. And then, I moved her from the jelly cupboard to the front room so that she could be with her plants.

      My plan was to take the day off from work, to be home, and just kinda remember some of the fun times we had celebrating Kateri’s Birthdays… like going to the ocean in March while wearing little green hats for the three hour drive… just to be festive. I remember one birthday morning when we went to George’s Coffee Shop in Gloucester and I got to listen to her and the line cook persuading Dean (the owner) to put The Pogues on the radio… which he did. Sometimes, it was all about the Baily’s… being drunk from the little plastic green beer mugs… one ounce at a time.

      Most of the time for her birthdays it was just the two of us. I don’t really ever recall her talking about having a “Party” until her last birthday in 2018. Ya… that was rough. I can look back on it now with a certain amount of fondness as I remember how much love was in our Little Red Schoolhouse for her on that day… and how much love she had for our friends and family who were there (and those who were not)… and for life (even in those times)… but that only goes so far. I mean, it was her last birthday… I haven’t exactly gotten over that… hence the snot and tears coating my mustache and face right now! But this is about today… and how I celebrated Kateri’s Birthday… with her… by myself.

      Widower Notes n Thoughts… about moving Kateri to the Klean Kanteen on her birthday:

      • I moved her into the Klean Kanteen myself. The funeral home said they have a machine made specifically for this type of thing, but I wanted to do it at the Schoolhouse. I figured that even if some of her fell onto the floor and between the floor boards, it just meant that part of her will always be home. I know she would’ve dug that.
      • I made the move on the wood stove… using a ceramic cup with shamrocks on it… and a funnel.
      • It was close… for a moment I didn’t think she was gonna fit and I started thinking about what other vessels I could put her in! Ball jars were gonna be solution… but thankfully, it didn’t come to that.
      • Right after the move into the bottle… I went and had an outdoor fire. I think after the day of work, after receiving texts of love and support from friends and family, and then moving Kateri into the Klean Kanteen in the evening… I just needed to get into the woods, out of service, and to take a moment to breath while staring at some flames dancing for a bit… as I wondered if bears had started coming out yet.
      • I put Kateri on the old red school desk that her brother had given her when we first bought our Little Red Schoolhouse… he gave me a table saw.
      • I’m still amazed at how heavy she is. (not trying to be rude)
      • While making the move… I realized it was the first time in two years, ten months, and whatever days that I actually touched Kateri… physically. Although they are her cremated remains… it’s Kateri… and I literally felt her. It was a powerful moment that I hadn’t thought about until it was happening… and it caught me by surprise.
      • I’m thankful to everyone who reached out to me… on Kateri’s Birthday. The love was simply overwhelming. I’ve got some great peeps in my life!
      • Happy Birthday Babe!… wish we were celebrating the day… together.

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      Posted in grief, loss, St.Patrick'sDay, Widow, widower, widowhood | 4 Comments | Tagged Kateri'sBirthday, Kateri'surn, KleanKanteen, St.Patrick'sDay, St.Patty'sDay, widower
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    • Chicken and Lil’ Bitch
      Tracy’s Mad Hatter Retirement Party 2017
      Home

      An Evening Fire
      CHICKS!… 2016
      Coney Island 2018

      Tea Cups at Disneyland… a while ago.
      Yup.

    • These People Said This.

      Darren Lidstrom's avatarDarren Lidstrom on A Widower Turns 50…
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      Darren Lidstrom's avatarDarren Lidstrom on The Sourdough Stump…
      spiritualdragonfly's avatarspiritualdragonfly on The Sourdough Stump…
      Lauren's avatarLauren on A Widower Wedding Anniversary…

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