Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning

Part 1

I haven’t actually made it to the upstairs bathroom yet… might be dragging my feet.  I have decided to trim the beard down to a less “mangy” length… as a friend had described it.  I personally like to think of it as “shabby” or “unkempt”.  Whatever you call it… I rather enjoy it.  Unfortunately, it’s also hot… and I work in kitchens.

It feels a little strange to think that I’m about to take clippers to the face.  I’ve talked about it a lot… trimming… just haven’t found the time… or at least the right time. I’ve become attached to the beard as it has grown since Kateri’s death.  As a widower, it has sorta helped me feel better.  It makes me feel different than I was in my life with Kateri… because I look different.  There was a point last summer where I found myself looking in the mirror and I didn’t recognize myself… not my face… not who I was… not my life. It was an odd experience… and not just because of the beard (which was obviously shorter then). But I found comfort in the fact that Kateri would’ve loved how long my facial hair was getting as well as it being something new in my new life… and I didn’t have to do anything!  A year later… I feel as though this is almost my identity now… the small guy with a big beard!

If you’re a widower… I suggest you grow a beard… unless it’s patchy or you aren’t allowed to because of some stupid shit like “work”.  I simply think it is a fun way to get a little different perspective of yourself… as you are trying to figure out who you are in this new life. Sometimes, you’ll get past using the beard as kind of a crutch (sounds silly… I know… but in many ways it’s true)… and trim it when you are ready for a change… or because it’s been in the 80’s for more than a week! (FYI… I don’t plan on going shorter than an inch… but we’ll see..?!)

Part 2

Yup, now I’m gonna start to grow the beard back out!… I miss it.

Widower Notes n Thoughts:

• It’s weird to think there are people in my life now that only know me with a beard.
• Yes… I pretty much wear either my red or hunter-orange stocking cap when it’s not warm… or my John Deere hat the rest of the time.  I’m pretty exciting.