Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning

66 Days late… but it still looks like Christmas! Well, minus the tree, presents, ceramic villages, big red bows, Christmas cookies, kinda creepy/kinda fantastic little wooden Carolers, stockings, Christmas lights… besides the ones lighting up the chicken coop!, ornaments, Elf, and fried dough. So really… there’s just a lot of snow… and it’s cold.  Both of which I’m fine with. The wood stove helps.

I opened my computer to make some notes of things I didn’t wanna forget… and then found this little gem… and have since forgotten what it was I didn’t wanna forget. I’m sure it was some sort of… “I was watering her plants and it made me think of when she would… blah blah blah” thing.   You know… when you think about how you can hear your wife’s laugh in your head… and then realize you will never hear it again unless it’s in some video or some shit. Or maybe I was thinking about Kateri and her invisible suit. The one she would put on when she didn’t want anyone to see her… at least the people she didn’t want to see. I would look over at her in the passenger seat as she scanned out the window for possible unwanted sightings… from unwanted people.  She seemed so innocent to me at those times. She was like a kid. She found enjoyment in pretending that people couldn’t see her… all because of her invisible suit.  And that smile when we got through town?!  Hell, Kateri’s smile… and that laugh!… simply beautiful.

All of that to say I saw this draft and just wanted to make sure it made itself onto the old Bloggery.  Merry Christmas!… in March.

Widower Day 246… First Christmas Alone… But Another One With Maria.

I was gonna document on Christmas… but it just wasn’t the time. I was gonna document the day after… but then I de-Christmafied. Plus, Christmas was definitely one of those emotional roller coaster type couple of days that leaves you wanting to just lay on the couch and flip through Netflix for 73 minutes trying to find something mindless to fall asleep to. Of course, I have fallen asleep while looking for something to watch on more than one occasion. Long story short… Christmas was exactly what it was supposed to be… just not how I would’ve preferred.

I’ve known for quite a while that I was going to be home at the schoolhouse for Christmas. After being in Idaho last year and Kateri staying here… I just needed to be home. I’ve also known that I was either going to be alone or Maria would be here… and thankfully, I got to spend it with Maria. Kateri loved Christmas… and if you threw Maria into the mix during the holidays… Hark the Angels I tell ya! Definitely “Festive to the Left!”. Kateri, Maria, and I have spent more time together during the holidays than we have with anyone else (in “Adult” life). For this Christmas… I feel Maria and I both needed to spend it together… at the schoolhouse.

Widower Notes n Thoughts:

• It kinda grosses me out that I can just hold my beard up to shave my neck… it’s getting hairy!… and I honestly don’t know if I have changed my razor since Kateri passed.
  • March 4, 2019-Ok, so the beard has… well… gotten longer. I was gonna say that I have definitely changed my razor in the last 66 days… but I can’t do that in good conscience. I’m not saying I haven’t changed it… I’m just not sure if I have.