In my Widowhood, I have found that thinking about and making goals pertaining to this or that has been beneficial as I am learning to live a life where I’m still sorta finding my identity… figuring out who I am… who I wanna be type shit…… we’re all a work in progress! The things I make goals for can range from big and lofty to small and mostly insignificant, but they provide me a sense of accomplishment and usually a valuable experience that allows me to take something I have put time, thought, and energy into (whether it be physical/material or experiential)… into the future. Currently, I am sitting on the side of a bed in Lubec, Maine, with my Blundstones dangling 3 inches from the tiled floor of my hotel room where I can see the ocean through the water-stained sliding glass door as I check the second coordinate off the list of my goal to visit the 4 corners of the continental U.S. Yup, I’m as far east as you can go before you need to hop on a boat!… and I have no desire to do that.
Today is the anniversary of Kateri’s Death Date… April 22nd… she died 7 years ago… and I thought a little Road Trip to the Easternmost Point in the continental U.S. would be a good adventure and could provide me with Time & Space to remember Kateri, our Time together, and to think about where I’m currently at in this gig called Life. Plus, I needed to test out the newish truck I bought 3 months ago during my Mini-Mid-Life Crisis…!
Amanda and I hit the Southernmost Point in Key West last year, but for this… I decided to do it solo… sorta. I mean… Kateri is not only with me in “spirit”, but she was nestled in a little glass jar sitting on my gloves in the center console for the drive over here… and has been pulled out for photo ops at light houses by the ocean and at the summit… well, almost the summit… of a mountain. Other than that, it’s really just me spending some time with myself as I reflect on Life in an area that is new me and one in which I find interesting.
Just to let you know, Lubec is tiny and quiet… and it’s the off-season… so it’s even more quiet..er. Although I am super happy with my Road Trip and Destination for the 7th Anniversary of Kateri’s passing because of the calmness and solitariness, it would be nice if there was at least 1… ONE!… restaurant/coffee shop/bakery/teahouse/fish house/clam or lobster shack/pizza place/burger place/Chinese restaurant open…! And I’m no coffee connoisseur, but man… I just want a decent cup of coffee that’s strong enough to defend itself…! (Thank you Tom Waits)
I’ll be honest, I got here last night… saw some sights… spent an hour and a half in the truck getting a pizza… spent another couple of hours in the truck today, finding food and seeing some other closed sights… and now I’m just chillin’ in my room as the tarps flapping from the ocean breeze are accompanied by the clanking of chains off in the distance. It’s nice here. It’s quiet… besides the tarps and chains. It’s beautiful… and the people seem nice, but it’s not Home… and I’m ready to be Home… in Vermont… at The Little Red Schoolhouse… with Amanda and Xander. I guess that’s a positive indication that I have a pretty decent Life. Well, I know I have a pretty decent Life… I think I might actually even have a pretty good Life. And honestly, I’ve always had a Good Life. Have there been bumps, challenges, and the unexpected?… of course, but that’s just a part of the gig… and why someone invented Deep Breaths… and these emojis 🤷♂️🤦♂️🤪… ❤️.
Widower Notes n Thoughts:
- I Love Kateri… and miss absolutely everything about her… everything. Loss hurts.
- He said his name was John… of the “Moores” or somethin’… lineage from the 1600/1700’s… and he is the reincarnation of some historically significant bloodline… or some shit. His plan is to create the new and independently sovereign country of… “New England”… consisting of the states we here in The U.S. currently refer to as… New England… but he’s gonna start with becoming the Governor of Maine in 2026… among other things… yup. During my time in the Lubec area, I spent probably a total of 2 and a half hours communicating face-to-face with other humans. 2 hours and 19 minutes of that were eating breakfast and walking around a little fishing town with John. He was very animated and a little hard to follow at times, and he usually informed me I was “slow” or would say, “keep up!” when I mentioned I wasn’t following him, disagreed, or asked a question, but I probably learned more about myself… and Life… during my time with him than at any other point on my trip. I mean, I didn’t walk out to the edge of a wharf or pier with him just in case he had the inclination to push me off into the ocean or somethin’… and I always had an “Exit Strategy” if the space we were in required it… but he taught me a lot..! (He said his IQ was around 182!!).. and I’m thankful he is now a part of my story.
- Although I believe it helps us to accept the things that we have no control over for what they are, it doesn’t mean we need to like them. That acceptance just gives us Time, which allows us to focus more on the things we would like to change, build, or improve upon… or that simply fill us with joy, happiness, and a potential smile.
Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning 