Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning

Be the Hat…

Widower Notes n Thoughts:

These are the notes of things that popped into my head yesterday that I was actually gonna write or talk about… but didn’t…

• I’ve never paid attention to my mental health… then I lost my Wife.
• I’m definitely going through a thing… but I don’t know if I’m going through a thing only because I think I’m going through a thing…?
• For you Widowed Folk… I’m at 7 Years 3 Months a Widower… this is just MY experience.
• This is my “Weekend Hat”… I got it days after Kateri died… I’ve been feelin’ how it’s lookin’.
• Part of me feels weak… one of those “Suck it up, Buttercup” kind of things.
• I drove to the dump with the windows up… it felt safe… like I was in my own little capsule/world.
• I was gonna do this earlier, kind of off the cuff/in the moment/what I was going through at that specific time… but I realize I would just be blabbering away, and I wanted this to be a bit more pointed… focused. (Well, I basically just narrowed it down to “Keep it up, Champ!”.
• I miss my friends.
• I just keep obsessing about… What the fuck am I gonna do?!
• For the last 3 years I’ve had a design for the Woodpile before my sister got here… she says she’s just the labor… but this is one of those years that I need help… and need to ask for it.
• I would love to just run away to some seasonal gig… but our Priorities and Wants change throughout Our Lives and I’m just not in a Seasonal Gig Space in Life now.
• I don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up… and I’ve grown up.
  • This is one of those Time is Running Out struggles I’m dealing with… I’m getting old…er.
• There are a ton of things I love in My Life. Just a couple are:
  • That Amanda will sit on the stairs and postpone work so that she can be there for me as I talk about… and cry over… some aspects of Life I’m struggling with.
  • When I remember to grab a new bar of soap BEFORE I get in the shower… Little Victories… glorious.