Kateri and I always said that we thought we would’ve enjoyed going to our wedding…! It was a good one. We surrounded ourselves only with people who we wanted to be surrounded by… on that specific day. Everyone who was there were there because we asked them to participate for this reason or that. Thankfully, they all said, “Yes.”… and I can’t thank each of them enough for the memories they have provided me to look back on as I reflect on my life. I am grateful for the faded mini movies that race past the tip of my brain from time to time, with their inklings of vividness pinballing off the backs of my eyeballs. They were good times, I say… good times.
Widower Notes n Thoughts:
- I’ve been missing my old life as of late. I’ve been missing the people and the experiences we shared over the years and I wished I was better at keeping in touch. Even though there may be years in between our communication… I still love them all and from time to time the thought pops into my head… “Do they think of me (us)? Do they remember me? I hope they remember me…?”. I know that sounds a little weird, but Widowhood can be a very isolating and lonely existence at certain times of the day, month, year… here and there.
- I was up past the One Two (midnight) talking to an old friend last night. He was one of our Men of Honor. We haven’t spoken in months and when he sent a text message saying he was thinking of me… I just had to see his ugly mug (and beautiful hair), so I Facetimed him. When we were finishing up the ol’ convo, I mentioned that he and his wife were in Vermont 12 years ago today and I thanked him for standing up with Kateri and I, in front of 125 of our closest family and friends, as we celebrated our love for each other, partied, danced, laughed, and talked around the fire as we smoked and ate pig… while maybe smoking other things. He didn’t realize that it was my Anniversary Eve… was simply thinking of me. I love that shit… and am so happy we talked.
- A Wedding Anniversary for a Widower (Widow) is a strange thing to think about. For me, it’s difficult to process… and in some regards, accept… just how different my life is now than it was prior to Kateri’s Last Breath. My Wedding… well… I still think of it as the best day of my life so far, but it was in a different time… a different “chapter” of my time on Earth that I simply don’t have access to anymore. If you would’ve asked me twelve years ago, today is a date that I thought I would be celebrating and getting excited about for decades to come. Instead, I now use it as an opportunity to remember Kateri, all the beautiful things she brought into this world and into my life, the lessons she taught me, the memories we created throughout the years, and the million and a half other little reasons that on September 28, 2011… at around 4…ish… it made me so grateful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of peeps as I was given the chance to call her… My Wife. (…or was it Fate…?)
Thirty Days of Mo(u)rning 